An Extension of Self

If you’re a die hard Dan Savage fan like me, you heard the latest Savage Lovecast episode (episode 191, 19:00) in which a lesbian caller described an experience she had with a strap on toy during sex. She said she felt the sudden urge to have her partner go down on the strap on, that it was super hot, but then afterwards she got a little eeked out. Am I normal? Does this mean I’m trans? she asked Dan.

She definitely asked the right person. Dan’s usually pretty great at what he does. The first follow up question he had for her was whether she and her partner enjoyed it. If so, then totally. The trans thing, he left for her to figure out. What mattered, he said, was for sex to be consensual, fun and healthy.

The other day, though, a reader of Slog (the blog for the Seattle newspaper, The Stranger,  that Dan is a part of), added an interesting bit to the fire. The call made her think of an article on how humans often experience tools as an extension of their body.

It makes her sudden instincts for oral sex make a lot of sense. At that moment, the dildo was a part of her. This could happen with any toy in bed, really, and you have probably experienced this yourself if you’ve used toys in bed. To an outsider, this could look totally silly. I mean, she’s not actually physicially feeling what’s happening to the silicone, but she is in her mind.While the sensation is probably not the same as penis-in-vagina sex, a mental orgasm is totally possible.

And it’s hot.


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